Guess who’s spent the past week in Dubai and Jordan? No, sadly, not me. That would be Tom, my traveling around the world other half. He has been visiting Petra, navigating the streets of Dubai, off-roading in the desert, and floating in the Dead Sea. I, on the other hand, have been moping on my couch trying not to become psychotic from jealousy. To be fair, he went as part of a learning trip – kind of like a speed study abroad program – through his school for his MBA. Still, the fact that he was learning business tactics did not help with the jealousy factor on my end.
Here is my take on how to get through hubby-is-traveling-without-you depression – setback penalties included.
Tell your cats that Dad left because he doesn’t love them anymore and you should become their new favorite. Note that you think this is working when the cat that always sleeps next to him begins cuddling next to you at night. This is also nice when you wake up in the middle of the night missing your traveling around the world other half. Score!
Force yourself not to stare longingly at the Facebook pictures he’s being tagged in at all the cool places he’s visiting. When you accidentally catch yourself doing it, quickly switch to a friend’s profile who always posts 30 baby pictures in her stream. Remind yourself he could have left you behind with a child to watch. Things could be worse. You don’t have kids so therefore you can irresponsibly travel later without him. Score!
Start plotting where you’re going to travel without him. Call your mom and sisters to find out which one of them is going to go with you. Haha, take that husband. Score! Then remember how much you miss him when you travel without him. Penalty.
Remind yourself that when you’re the one off gallivanting around the world you’ll be too busy to miss him. After all, he doesn’t seem to miss you all that much. He’s smiling a bit too much in all those Facebook pictures. Girl trip is back on. Score!
Drink one of the nice bottles of wine from your wine club. Typically you drink these together, but hey – if HE gets to go to the Middle East without you than you should get to savor a delicious bottle of wine all to yourself. The wine also takes an edge off the travel jealousy factor. Double Score!
You forget and start looking at his Facebook pictures again and start muttering obscenities under your breath for the millionth time that you didn’t get to go. Penalty.
You start looking at his profile picture instead and start missing him and say a quick little prayer that his plane lands safely – it is slightly ridiculous how much you worry about him when he flies without you. You’ve gone from being a crazy, jealous spouse to a protective, loving partner. Score!
You remember to get the mail, take out the garbage, and all the other little home jobs that he usually does. You are so Miss Independent. Who cares if he’s off seeing the world. You own the world. Score!
Then you mess up the cable and are without TV for a whole week despite trying out the email instructions that he sends you from Dubai after you frantically email him that you can’t wait a whole week to watch Bachelor Pad! Penalty.
Not being able to watch TV makes your evenings much more productive and you get some “improve my life” projects done so that maybe one day you have the funds and time to trail along with him next time he decides to jaunt around the world for education or business purposes. Score!
Think about how much he always supports your goals and dreams and feel lucky you have such a wonderful hubby and become happy for him that he’s had such an amazing opportunity. Score!
Cross your fingers that his plane isn’t delayed so that you don’t have to go another minute without seeing him because if you learned one thing from him being away it’s that how much you miss him sucks more than the fact that he’s seeing a part of the world you’ve never seen before. And once he gets off that plane and is home again…Score! (Get your head out of the gutter…not that kind of score. 😉 )
How do you cope when your partner travels and you can’t go?
I am in the same place right now and my husband hasn’t even left yet. Our friends invited my newly retired husband to on a 5 week trip to Spain with them. I still work and can’t go although I really have no interest in this trip anyway. They are walking across the country in the El Camino trail. It bothers me that they asked him without consulting me. I mean it’s more than just a guys weekend and costs a firtune. I’m so afraid this will lead to more adventures for them without me. My husband knows I don’t want him to go but is doing it anyways. I’m so afraid I will resent all 3 of them or he will resent me if he doesn’t go. BTW I retire about 2 days before they return.
My significant other is away now for 3 weeks and has to return on a cruise! A cruise, I say with
all the amenities and luxuries for 7 days!! Granted the people on board are mostly older and married, I still wish I could be cruising with him! I have taken myself out on outings at lunch time
at work, some good meals with sparkling wine and bought a few neat things for myself. I know he had to take a ship home, but is better off for it. We are both seasoned travelers and enjoy traveling
together and alone. Next year we are planning this cruise together, in the opposite direction!
My husbands leaving to my dream destination next for “work”. To say i haven’t thrown a 2 year old tantrum is an under statement. I’ve been crying for the past few days, not score like you I don’t drink and I have a two year old to look after. And no friends/family that can pack up and leave for a girls holiday. I’m currently at the anger/I am ignoring you stage. How do I over come this jelousy and miserable feeling inside me? I don’t even ever want to travel to my dream destination from anger. Lol I sound so childish but I’m the travel lover in the relationship and he’s just going off so easily
This is so spot on! My husband had been away for three weeks now in Manila. Although I do miss him, I must admit I have never felt so independent in a long while since we got married (we’ve been together for 10 years).
I have never been so carefree. I didn’t have to worry about cooking myself a proper meal. I just whip up something from whatever is in the fridge or pantry. Nothing fancy or fussy. It also helps that I occasionally get invited for lunch or dinner by some girl friends. Or if I am being particularly lazy, I grab some takeaway.
I also get to reflect and find time for things I used to love doing or have always wanted to do–without the hassle of inconveniencing my partner or taking his opinion in consideration.
For instance, this evening after finishing all my domestics, I went to see The Danish Girl on my own. I have never been in a cinema by myself, and since I have always wanted to, I gave it a go. I then had supper at a local café then drove to a riverside park and had a leisurely stroll before calling it a night.
For once, our apartment had never looked so spotless; the real estate agents can drop by anytime for rent inspection and I will not worry about them finding something to fault at. No clothes lying haphazardly around. No late night TV. But if there’s anything I learned during the three weeks we have been apart, that is time away from each other is healthy for the relationship. You can be alone and not be lonely. I learned to take better care of myself and rely only upon myself. I have also appreciated our marriage more and look forward to doing things together as a couple. Lastly and most importantly, our bed certainly has never felt big enough this whole time.
My other half is in Korea! Not the horrendous human rights-less part. But holy bejeesus, I miss him! He’s playing music with an orchestra. I play music too, and although I am a wee bit jealous and have been suppin away at the cider, I just want him to return home safe and full of romance and love for me!
Must have wine! 🙂 And yes, I think you’re definitely due your own awesome adventure now!
Loved this! Right now, my hubby is off in India on a motorcycle trip through the Himalayas with the boys. I’m absolutely green with envy and trying very hard to be happy for him, and not grumpy and bitter that I’m stuck at home while he’s off on the trip of a lifetime without me. But, hey, that means I get a free pass to do something awesome of my own, right?! In any case, there’s always the wine…
Hi Kristin, hopefully he’ll be glad to hear he’s not the only one. 🙂 Too bad we can’t always travel with our spouses! Although, I do like my girl getaways…
I totally need to send this post to my husband! He’s pretty good at coping with the jealousy, but at least he’ll know he’s not alone, being the spouse who has to stay behind =)
Lol! Valid question, Jennifer. 😉
How much wine had you drank when you wrote this post? 😉
Just kidding! It’s a great one and makes perfect sense. Usually I am traveling without hubby but every now and again he gets to go somewhere awesome without me and I miss him like crazy.
I am a big believer in the theory that a good glass of wine can make everything better. 😉
Awesome! I can relate, I get so jealous when my husband goes on trips without me! But I love that you broke out the ‘good wine’… you deserve it 🙂
Thanks Blane! Yes, the book was very inspiring. And a girls wine night definitely would have been fun. Maybe next year at TBEX? 😉
Great piece! Esp. the part about the wine. 🙂 Too bad I’m a few hundred miles north — I’d gladly help you polish one off while toasting to girl time.
And glad you liked Peter’s book. It’s very inspiring, no?
Thanks Nitya! I know, it looked awesome!
Loved this article! It is amusing and yet makes perfect sense 🙂 Honestly, I’m green with envy seeing the class pics too. I wish I had applied to go on this one – it looks better than any of the other intl. trips!